Support systems are incredibly important. But in today’s world, it seems there are many people we know or interact with, or lots of numbers in our phones…but not much actual support in our lives. In fact, in a world that is more connected than ever, we somehow seem to be the most disconnected we’ve ever been.
And that’s a problem. Because this often means we’re more socially isolated than ever, which negatively impacts our overall well-being.
The good news is that there’s a solution: crafting and cultivating a supportive community! (Heads up, we’ll also use the terms 'network’ or ‘system’ interchangeably with community.)
What is a Support System?
According to Merriam Webster, a support system is a network of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support. In other words, these are the people you can trust and lean on when things get tough—individuals who you can rely on when you need help the most. Whether you’re struggling with mental health problems, overwhelmed by life’s to-dos, going through a rough season, or anything in between, having a supportive community can make all the difference in helping you make it through.
It’s important to note, we aren’t talking about medical or other professionals when we talk about support systems. If you are struggling with mental health, a physical condition, or something along those lines, it’s still crucial to have a team of professionals helping you on top of the community around you.
If you’re thinking to yourself, ‘but who can be or should be in my network?’—that’s a great question! There is no ‘right’ way to build your community or formula for a perfect support system. But, in general, you want people who are caring and loving, whom you can trust, and with whom you feel safe opening up to. Examples can include, but are not limited to, friends, family members, a significant other, a mentor, or a peer group.
Benefits of a Supportive Community
So, what’s the big deal about support systems? Researchers have found that having a support system in your life is linked to multiple positive benefits.1 These include higher levels of well-being, better coping skills, and a longer, healthier life. Support systems have also been proven to reduce depression, anxiety, and stress. Last, but not least, having a supportive community by your side increases your sense of belonging.
Regardless of what you’re going through, support systems are incredibly important. And even if you’re not going through anything major right now, your community can be people who cheer you on and celebrate you when good things happen or life is going well. Plus, one day you’ll be thankful you have these people in your life when crap does inevitably hit the fan.
What Can Support Systems Provide?
Now that you know the importance of support systems in your life…what can they actually do for you? The answer? A lot! Below are just a few examples of how cultivating a supportive community can powerfully impact you and your life.
A Safe Space
When you’re going through something tough, something you're ashamed of, or something that makes you feel utterly broken, you need someone you can share this with. Being vulnerable is so important to processing and healing, but that’s hard to do if you don’t feel safe opening up to anyone. That’s where your support system comes in! People who can be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or an encouraging advice giver to you when you need it most.
Unprompted Check-Ins
Going through something tough often makes it tough to reach out for help. You may know you need to, but it may take a lot of effort or energy to do so. Your supportive community can help. These are people who deeply care about you and will check in often with you. A lot of times, having someone reach out to you makes it easier for you to share and open up to them. If you’ve been withdrawn, your support system can check in and help you find a healthy way out.
Positive Encouragement
Sometimes we just need someone in our life to be positive when our own minds can’t quite figure out how to. The people in your life who you can really trust and rely on are those positive, encouraging people. Whether you need someone to remind you that you’re loved and cared for, or someone to encourage you to do something that’s good for you, your support system can do that. Also, these people are often the ones that inspire you simply by being themselves and living their lives, which can be a big help when you’re struggling.
Healthy Distractions
We’ve all been there—just needing a distraction from the storms, stress, and struggles of life. While there’s nothing wrong with binging that new Netflix show or eating a pint of ice cream, those often aren’t the healthiest things to continuously do. When you need a healthy distraction, look no further than your support system. You can watch your favorite movie with them, go for a walk together, or simply give them a call. There are tons of activities and things your support system can help you do to distract yourself in a healthy way and be filled up in the process.
Extra Help
Struggles often make basic living even more difficult. That’s why having a supportive community in your life is so important. Your people can help you with food (bringing you food or groceries, cooking for you, or helping you cook), cleaning, childcare or babysitting, appointments (making appointments, reminding you of upcoming ones, going with you to them), finding professional help, and more. And the thing is, these people who love you so deeply would absolutely love to help you out with whatever you need.
5 Ways to Cultivate a Supportive Community
Whew, let’s all take a deep breath. That was a lot of information, but it builds an important foundation for you to understand why support systems, and therefore creating them, are crucial to your well-being.
But…how do you cultivate a supportive community in the first place? We’re so glad you asked! Let’s walk through 5 ways that you can start building your support network and begin to flourish as a result!
1. Determine Who You Want in Your Community
This isn’t meant to be a mean, exclusive type of deal. However, figuring out who you want in your corner makes it easier to cultivate your community with said people. A great place to start is making a list of the people who you already interact with in your life, regardless of how close or friendly you are. Think of all the places you go every day—hangouts with friends, work, neighborhood, home, organizations you volunteer at, school, coffee shops, the grocery store, the gym, etc.
Next, ask yourself the following questions, provided by Road to Growth Counseling, about each person you wrote down on your list.2 Feel free to add your own attributes such as “is this person compassionate and kind?” or “do they make me laugh?” that you feel are important for your support system.
- Do I feel respected by this person?
- Do I trust this person?
- Does this person bring out my best qualities?
- Does this person allow me to feel good about myself?
- Do I leave interactions feeling positive?
Finally, put a star next to each person who you feel is supportive as characterized by the attributes above. This can be the start of your support system! But don’t worry if you have very few people starred. The very fact that you know the type of person and characteristics you want in your community will greatly help you when meeting and connecting with people moving forward. Also, figuring out what you need in a support network, such as someone who can relate to a specific issue or people who live close by that can help you cook or clean, will help you begin to create your supportive community as well.
2. Start with One Person
You don’t need to build your entire network in a day. It’s okay—and very normal—to start small and slowly build up from there. As Robert Weiss, a licensed clinical social worker, said, “It’s not the number of connections a person has that’s most important; instead, it’s the quality of a person’s connections that matters most.” 3
So, if you’re struggling with where to start, start with one person whom you know you can count on and trust. Tell them how supportive they are to you, and open up about wanting to create a support network. You could even invite them to help you build the rest of your community or suggest other people who could be in it.
It’s also a good reminder that not everyone in your community needs to know or be connected to one another. While it could help to have a few that are connected so they can best come together to help you in some situations, it’s also totally okay to have people from different areas of your life all participating in being your support network.
3. Go Deeper in Your Relationships
In order for someone to be there for you in your time of need, you’re going to have to get pretty vulnerable, open, and honest with them. This can be hard to do with someone you don’t know very well or haven’t interacted with on a deeper level yet. Which is okay if you haven’t—no time like the present to start!
Building a supportive community is going to require you to grow your relationships with the people in your life. We know it’s scary, but it’s also so important and will be well worth it. Don’t worry if you don’t know where to start. Here are a few ideas of ways you can grow deeper in the relationships with the people in your life:
- Invest more time (if possible)
- Start hanging out more often or for longer periods of time. This builds a greater connection and allows someone to be involved in more of your life.
- Be intentional with the time you do have
- We know everyone is so busy these days and investing more time may not always be possible. If that’s the case, make sure you’re intentional with the time you do have. Share about what’s going on in each other’s lives and ask deeper questions to get to know each other better.
- Communicate well
- Communication is key for your support system. Let someone know that you want to build a deeper foundation. Open up about what things are making that difficult, goals you have for the relationship, or things they could help you with. The better you communicate, the more supportive someone can be.
- Practice being vulnerable
- This one is scary, but honestly, the best way to grow deeper is through vulnerability. And the best way to grow more comfortable being vulnerable is to practice opening up to people. Oftentimes, the other person will reciprocate, and you both can build a deeper connection together.
4. Accept Help When Offered
Many people love the idea of a support system or community but fail to or don’t want to actually use it. It’s not easy, and we get that. You may think there’s not enough time, you don't want to be a burden, or you’re better off alone. There may be fear of being awkward or getting rejected. But the truth is, there’s really no point in a support system if you’re not going to lean on those people for support when you actually need it.
If someone offers help and is turned down once, hopefully, they would continue to ask and offer their support in the future. But, unfortunately, if someone continues to offer help and continues to get turned down, they may (unintentionally) stop asking altogether. Then you might see it as people don’t want to help when it’s really your fear fueling a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now, you don’t have to say yes to every single thing someone offers to do—especially if it wouldn’t actually be helpful for you. If that’s the case, let the person know what would actually help. Or tell them that you appreciate their offer, you don’t need it at this time, but that you might need it later and to check back in. But, practicing saying yes to help and receiving it from others allows you to actually use and build up your support system.
5. Find a Group that Already Exists
We understand that creating your own support system can be tough and exhausting. The good news is that sometimes someone has already done the legwork to create a network that could be there to support you. Examples of this are peer-led or support groups, such as grief groups or AA. The benefit of this is that oftentimes people who have gone or are going through similar things as you can better support and be empathetic based on experience. It’s also often easier to open up to those who ‘get it’ and have been there themselves.
A second idea is finding a group or community to join based on a shared passion or interest. This could include things like sports or an exercise class, hobby-based groups or meetups (painting, cooking, writing), musical events, etc. While they may not all have gone through what you are, you can build a bond and connection on shared interest, which then allows you to open up as you grow deeper in your relationship.
6. *BONUS* Be Patient
Last, but not least, we’re giving you a *bonus* tip—which honestly may be the hardest of them all. That is: be patient. Developing deeper relationships, practicing being vulnerable, and cultivating a supportive community all takes time. It won’t happen overnight; it won’t be built in a day. It can be easy to get frustrated or feel lonely, so we want to remind you to give yourself grace and compassion as you figure out this journey. The fact that you are wanting to build a support system already says so much! If you are putting in the effort, it will pay off. Remember to approach the process with patience and compassion for yourself and others.
Wrapping Up
We hope you can see and understand the importance of cultivating and having a support system in your life. Because the truth is, life is tough. But you don’t have to go through any of it alone. When you don’t know where to start, simply connecting with one person is enough. That person can help you meet and/or connect with others, and slowly build your support system from there.
If you truly don’t feel that you have anyone you can open up to, or if you want some help finding and building your support network, we’ve got you covered. We can connect you with a caring, supportive person who wants to be there for you and help you cultivate a supportive community so that you can flourish and thrive. Click the link below to get started!
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