As Valentine’s Day approaches, there’s typically 3 different camps of people that exist. Ones that are excited and happy about this lovely holiday (pun intended), ones who are dreading any mention of “will you be mine?”, and then those who are simply indifferent, viewing the 14th as just another day. Whichever spot you find yourself in this year, and whatever you’re feeling, is 100% valid.
Yet, at the same time, we do in fact need love and connection as human beings. Every single one of us. Including you. Don’t believe us? Check out Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs—the third level is a sense of love, belonging, and connection.
Now, the key here is that “love” is not just about romance like this holiday (as well as society, movies, and tv shows) tend to showcase and make it seem like it is.
There are many different types of love, connection, and relationships, and each is very important, regardless of your relationship status. We’ll go over a few types, what they look like, why they’re important, and ways to foster each. To note, these are in no particular order of importance.
Romantic love is certainly not the only love there is or source of connection we have. Friendships can and do also play a key role in our overall happiness and healthiness, and our satisfaction in the relationships we’ve fostered.
Friends are the people who you get to choose to spend your time and life with. Those with whom you open up and be vulnerable; those who will walk with you through the highs and lows of life. Like the quote says, “friends are the family you choose”. Although, you certainly can be friends with your family or romantic partner as well.
The main difference between a partner and platonic friendship is that with friends, you get great care and affection, just without the sexual or romantic desires. Friendships provide a level of safety and security because it’s someone who truly sees you and chooses to stay by your side. Friends also provide someone to do fun things with, create memories together, and who encourages and inspires you to heal, grow, and accept yourself.
Like with any type of relationship, vulnerability is key. Opening up to an individual and creating a safe space for them to reciprocate helps you build deeper trust over time. Communication also greatly helps with this. Other tips include:
Of course, we don’t want to make it sound like we think romantic love isn’t important or beautiful. Because it certainly is! Our point is simply that it’s not the only type nor necessarily the most important for everyone.
Having a romantic partner—whether going on dates, building your long-term relationship, or being engaged or married—can also play a big role in our overall happiness and satisfaction in life. Entering into a partnership requires equal commitment which allows you to feel chosen and have the opportunity to choose someone over and over again as well.
While you don’t need a relationship to be happy or content, it can provide many benefits such as1:
Fostering a romantic relationship likely starts with dating, obviously, so that’s a good place to start. But from there, there are a few things that can help you to develop and maintain a good relationship with your partner through the highs and lows of life. These include, but aren’t limited to, working on good communication at all stages of the relationship, being selfless towards serving each other, and trying to give your partner the benefit of the doubt as often as you can.
Depending on your viewpoint and beliefs, this one here could be a homerun-hit or uber-taboo. Either way, it’s pretty important that we talk about it which is why we're putting it smack dab in the middle of our list.
We all have a relationship with ourselves—whether or not you want to admit it. The problem is, for many of us, that relationship is not very good. We either are super self-critical or comparative, lack the beliefs to be confident in ourselves, or sadly, we neglect it and put ourselves on the back burner.
But the relationship you have with yourself is arguably the most important one you'll ever have or work on. Because, at the end of the day, you are the only person who will be with you from the day you’re born until the day you die. You’ll also spend the most time with yourself out of anyone in your life.
While it’s not true that you can’t love anyone or allow others to love you until you love yourself, it is much easier to do both of those things when you practice self-love. How you show up for yourself greatly impacts how you’re able to show up in all your other important relationships too.
On top of that, fostering a kind relationship with yourself helps you:
There are a lot of different ways that you can practice self-love and therefore foster a better relationship with yourself. We’ve included a few down below to help you get started:
If earlier we discussed the family we do choose (friends), it’s only fair that we talk about the family we don’t get to pick. Now, we want to be so empathetic because we know this can be a sensitive topic for those who’ve had or have an unhealthy or negative family experience. The good news is that positive family relationships don’t have to be immediate family or blood-related. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even step-parents or siblings all count.
While we don’t get to choose our family, and sometimes they are not a healthy relationship in our lives, having familial ties can still be very important in our lives. Your family is often the people who you tend to go through the most similar experiences and struggles with, especially growing up. They’re also with us from an early age, way before most friends or partners come into the picture. Because of the long-lasting nature of family relationships, you can find huge security in having someone truly know you and love you unconditionally. Families also provide a feeling of belonging, sense of purpose, and shaping of our identities and values.
One nice thing about family is that you don’t have to go searching for them like you would with friends or a romantic partner. However, it’s still incredibly important to work on and maintain these relationships like any other. That being said, we recommend a lot of the tips that we provided in the “friends” and “romantic relationships” sections. Be open and honest, create space for vulnerability, work on good communication, serve and sacrifice for one another, and allow the relationship to change as you change and grow (i.e. teen to adult, life moves or shifts, etc.)
Last, but certainly not least, we can’t talk about love and not talk about our beloved pets. While they can’t talk or interact with us in the same ways that humans can (no matter how smart you think your dog is), our furry (or feathery or scaly) friends still make for some of the best companions.
Whether your pet of choice is a cat or a dog, a bird or a bunny, a gerbil or a gecko, there are many benefits to having one.
The most obvious tip here would be to get a pet. However, we understand that not everyone has the time, money, space, or capability to get one. So if this is you, try volunteering at a rescue or shelter, or even pet sitting or dog walking on the side.
With your pet, just being with them is a huge step to building trust and love between you two. Cuddle with them, teach them tricks, carve out time to play with them, just sit next to them while working or reading a book. Create time and space in your day to give them attention, especially when they’re asking for it, love on them, and let them love on you. It’s always 1000% worth it.
At the end of the day, there are a lot of relationships and types of love that you can experience this Valentine’s Day, or any day for that matter. Take a moment to reflect on your relationship(s) with friends, family members, pets, a partner, and/or yourself. Notice the love that is all around you in so many beautiful, unique forms. And remember that you are worthy and deserving of being connected to and loved by others.
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